A Melody To Be Heard

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Do you not hear the battlecries of loneliness lullabies?

They sing louder in the silence of heartbeats, breathing, and conversation

They hum in the dead of night, deafening as I fight to sleep and it calls me by name

Do you not hear that?

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It knows the secrets of my secrets

It knows my insecurities 

It knows why I hate getting out of bed

It also knows why I hate getting in the bed

It knows how to touch me in ways that I want a person to touch me, memorizing my body

Only this is choking me, knowing how to bury me deep in my feelings, please

Tell me you hear that

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The melody gets stuck in my head

Following me to work 

“I’m doing well, thank you”

Playing over the music in my car

“Get out of my fucking way”

Being the third wheel on every first date

“What music do I like?”

Then I look over at you taking the space in the empty chair 

Wondering if I will tell them that all I can hear is you, lonliness

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Vibrating the ground as I walk

Keeping me intertwined with you as if you are the air that I breathe

As if you are my moon, constantly orbiting my atmosphere

As if you are my skin so that I may take you everywhere

As if you belong to me and don’t I dare try to rid you of my life because you said you are going nowhere

~

Loneliness, you are the longest relationship I’ve ever had

Sending me I love you texts

Saying you can’t live without me

Stalking me like my fucking ex

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Bringing around your best friend 

Introducing itself as depression

Threatening to snatch my edges 

Forcing me into submission, stealing my inner joy without my permission 

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Your song is one that drugs me, taking me on a never ending trip

It keeps me unbalanced on a ship, in your storm

Rocking me in a cradle of your bed of daggers

Kissing me with poisoned lips where anger is born

Tell me you fucking hear it, so I know I’m not alone