The morning started with the smell of coffee. Normally it would be a pleasant smell but, this morning, it was pungent to my nose. My belly has gotten too big for me to easily get out of bed, thus I called for Tevin to come help.
“Tev, Tevin! I need your help baby.”
As I waited for him to answer my cries for assistance, I tried to collect my thoughts. I hadn’t been able to get excited for the babies swimming around in my stomach. The images of my death were on constant replay in my mind and I had no one to talk to about it. Which child was to be the one to kill me? How would I love them both when I knew I couldn’t trust one in the future?
“Let me come get you out of bed dear. How did you sleep?” Tevin asked as he grabbed for my hands.
“I slept ok but, I really need to talk to you.”
“Sure thing. What is it about?”
“I know you’ve been so excited about us finally having our babies. I’m sure you know I haven’t been able to reciprocate the same sentiment.”
“Yes, I did notice. I assumed it was some sort of pregnancy depression.” He explained.
I didn’t know if I wanted to tell him, but I felt as if I must.
“I have been a bit depressed if I’m going to be honest, though it’s not because of what you think. I saw something at the doctor’s office. The day of our first ultrasound.” I tensed and he eased me back on the bed before taking a seat beside me. “I had a glimpse of the future and it was one of our daughters trying to kill me.” I spoke with a heavy heart.
Then, I heard a sound that made the blood rush from my body. Laughter. It started as a chuckle and grew into a deep, hearty laugh. He didn’t believe me. He didn’t believe my vision to be a prediction.
“Darling, sweetie, you can’t believe that is going to happen. You had a daymare.” He smoothed the side of my arm and kissed me on the cheek. “We can talk about how scared it made you, but it’s probably jitters. Are you feeling insecure about being a parent? I don’t doubt that you will be a phenomenal mother to our sweet children. We’ve waited so long for this and it’s scary to think about taking care of a human, let alone two.”
He was right. I was scared of messing up as a parent. I had been since my belly started growing, before our ultrasound. That, however, didn’t change my vision or make it any less real.
“You know what, maybe you’re right. I need to let it all go and get excited to meet our girls. Perhaps we should really start picking names because we can’t call them girl one and girl two.”
His smile grew as he helped me to my feet once more.
“I was thinking about naming one after my mother and one after yours.”
“As much as I love your mother, we are not naming one of our children Ernestine. That name is too old for this decade.”
“That hurts!” Tevin said clinching his chest, as if my words shot him in the heart. I shooed away his antics and headed down the hall, suffering through the aroma of the fresh brew.
I figured I would put off telling him the truth, along with the reasons I knew my vision was real. Even if I told him, who would believe it from the woman who is both bi-polar and has dissociative disorder anyway? Especially when the reason had to do with my past, not to mention revisiting it could trigger them to re-emerge. ~
Comment your predictions and thoughts below. Click the link for the next part of the story!