Daily affirmation

I’ve always had a problem with self esteem

I was told if I looked in the mirror and said positive things,

My thoughts would eventually change

As if negativity would be locked in a bad dream

I started off easy, dipping my toes in the ridged waters called uncomfortable

“You are awake”

“You have eyes”

I felt stupid saying these things

Maybe because I wasn’t doing it right or

It’s probably because I hated both of those things

I wish I could crawl back into my bed

Next to frustration and depression

I wanted to cuddle with the ugliest parts of me

The next day I tried harder

“You have such a smile”

“You aren’t so bad I guess”

The water is swallowing my ankles

I get nervous as if I’d never heard a compliment before

And I haven’t, not from myself

My hands are sweaty and I feel like uncomfortable is threatening me

Cursing my name in the echos of my mind

Saying things like “you can do this”

And “don’t be so hard on yourself”

I can think those words but to say them might kill me

The day after, I walked by the mirror choosing not to look in

Positivity screams but my ears do not hear

I won’t give up on myself, no

Days of effort turn into weeks

“You are kind first and selfish second”

“You are an artist of many talents”

My negative companion now feels as lonely as it was making me

I can now compliment my clothes

Tell myself I am a good friend

I striped my old sheets that were weighting me down

Replacing them to symbolize my change within

It’s been months of swimming through the uncomfortable

Until I drowned the U and the N

Finally reaching a destination of self love

I stare in the mirror ready for my ears to burn in ecstasy

“You are beautiful”