I mentioned this once before and my friends have told me to do it. I refused, I dodged, I contemplated, I refused again….yet here we are. I actually did it. I posted a video on YouTube. A singular video and I have a bit of mixed feelings. Let’s go through them!!!
I’m anxious. I hate being photographed, let alone recorded. I’ve been able to share my thoughts with more ease (even some of the darker ones) than it took to press the upload button. I don’t know if people will find me entertaining. Once I hit record it took a long while for me to be myself. My voice went up 1, 2…5 octaves, I felt strange talking to myself. Now those who know me personally, may know that I talk to my cats every now and then, but that’s different…they at least meow back!
I’m excited. I feel good about the strength it took for me to actually put my whole self out there. I try to hide myself from people usually. The reason why is because I’ve been losing more and more confidence as the years pass me by. It started with feeling unattractive in high school, then I ended up with psoriasis which really depleted the confidence and lastly my weight. Life was hitting me with blow after blow and it serves no purpose for me to detail each one, so I won’t. The point is, the strength muscle within me had been under developed and under used. Today, I worked it out, flexing it a bit. Enough to reach a new milestone.
If I’m completely honest, I’m also feeling scared. I don’t want to share this video with family just yet (although I know my number 1 reads every blog I post. I’m talking about you Sue!). There is a large chunk of doubt in the success of a YouTube career. It is meant to be the cornerstone of my success as an author, to bring an audience to my books. That being said, it would be nice to build all of these platforms and enjoy the journey. However, that annoying negative voice in my head is louder than traffic in LA and New York City combined! Despite its constant blaring, I’m giving it a shot. I’m going to have these videos and my website to connect with people in ways I never could imagine. I may not see, or know how I’m truly affecting people (hopefully for the better), but I will keep the faith in myself.
If you want to check out my ONE and ONLY video click the link https://youtu.be/i-1uXchfmjo
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