There are many things that I need to learn and overcome. The biggest being my fear of failure and self sabotage. I have always had a habit of losing weight and gaining because of restriction. I’d say I have an addiction to food and deprivation is the thorn in my side. Knowing that and being on a strict diet (monitored by my surgeon) is always going to be a struggle until I have the RNY surgery and after. What I’ve learned over the past month and a half is that I make excuses when I’m in the company of others. It’s very easy to stay on track when you don’t leave the house, but unfortunately I can’t live my life that way. I have to be around other people at some point, thus I have a lot of mental exercise to do. There is no reason that I should throw all my hard work out the window to indulge in things that put in the 300’s. All this time I wanted to believe it was mostly my genetic make-up that led me to such a size. Though it does play a factor, my weak mental fortitude has also been part of the catalyst. This weekend, I allowed myself to overeat, make unhealthy food choices, and the freedom to binge snacks despite my goals and diet. As a result I’ve gained 4lbs in 3 days. How does one do that? I couldn’t believe the scale. How dare it show me the truth! With that being said, is it naive of me to be ok with this discovery of me? Sure it isn’t good, however I know the weakness in my chain and in order to strengthen it, I have to exercise my discipline. As I said, I can’t avoid people. I need to be around family and friends, as it too keeps me healthy. So what is a girl to do?! I’ll tell you what I’m going to do, I’m going to grab my big girl britches and take it one social situation at a time. I’m going to actively think about my weight-loss goals and remember that each choice I make has an effect on my body. This morning I woke up sluggish, heavy and very much like I hadn’t loss 37lbs (dang can’t say I’m down 40 anymore!). So back to the drawing board, regaining focus. I may have messed up (again), however the fight to healthy isn’t over. I will change my relationship to food one way or another. I’ll have to let you know how I do next time I face this challenge. Fingers crossed that I get it right!
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