In less than 12hrs I will be on the operating table, unconscious and embarking on a new life before my pretty eyes can flutter open. I’ve gone through so much to get to this point. For some, it still happened rather quickly, but I’d say it was about the average time for this process. I’ve worked damn hard to get here. If you’ve been following my journey, you might ask “how much did you lose pre-surgery?” The answer is 71lbs from my heaviest! I literally just calculated that and I can’t believe it. I’m embarrassed to know that I allowed my self to get that heavy without getting help sooner. I hated being that heavy and I never want to go back. The heck…I almost lost 100lbs!! Please forgive me, I’m still processing.
Anyway, something happened recently and it made me question my mindset. I am not embarrassed to say that I needed to go through this process to lose weight. I’d tell just about anyone. There it is, “JUST ABOUT”. Did you catch it? I truly believed that I was open in every way possible, however I found that to be untrue as I spoke with an old friend whom had never seen me since the weight started piling on. They only remember me at a healthy weight and I was too shy to share that I am about go through surgery. I’m sure they would have liked to wish me all the best. I suppose the reason I kept it in is because I don’t want them to look at me differently, or wonder how big, big I got. Yes the additional “big” was intentional for dramatic effect. I wondered this to myself and even consulted with my friends. Would I ever feel comfortable sharing that with people who haven’t seen me in many years? I don’t owe them my life story, but as I reconnect with people (now that I feel more comfortable with myself), how many would I be open enough with to say “yes I had gastric surgery and it was the best decision of my life”?
There is an answer for each of my questions somewhere and I’ll find them along my journey. For now, I will hold onto my journey until I feel ready and confident enough to share it those of my past. As of right now, I am focused on the present. I getting my surgery finally. I am excited, anxious, proud, and shockingly enough I’m not nervous. Well I was close to feeling that too with all the people asking me if I am, the questions were starting to make me feel some type of way. Welp I suppose that’s that. I hope I get to find out my final weigh-in pre-surgery in the morning and then I can document it as part of my journey.
Thanks to everyone who has joined me along my path to getting here. If you are considering this surgery, despite me not being on the other side, it’s already changed my life and you should jump on board if you feel it would help you. Did you not catch the part when I said I lost 71lbs? Ok sorry, that was the last time. I promise! Seriously though, there is nothing easy about this entire process. You still have to do the work in changing your lifestyle, it just helps you over the hump that kept you regressing.
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